I was strongly inspired by Charlie Hoen’s Recession-Proof Graduate Guide which I read going into my senior year in college. I re-tooled the advice to work for me (which basically meant NOT working for free) and I set out to interview every engineering firm in the Spokane and Couer de’Alene area. I wasn’t asking for a job - I was asking for advice. I generally asked the following questions:
I HAVE NO IDEA! I am a clueless 26 year old! :) But see below for advice and stories from others that have really shaped how I feel about this question.
I was strongly inspired by Charlie Hoen’s Recession-Proof Graduate Guide which I read going into my senior year in college. I re-tooled the advice to work for me (which basically meant NOT working for free) and I set out to interview every engineering firm in the Spokane and Couer de’Alene area. I wasn’t asking for a job - I was asking for advice. I generally asked the following questions: Sarah: "I guess I would say to worry less... about your job and the exact path you need to take to get there. 25 was my second year in law school, going into my third. I was determined to be a lawyer for an environmental non-profit. I was so stressed about that exact career path -- like exactly what I needed to do to get to that goal. But my route has turned out more... circuitous. Yes, Computer Science is where you want to be. But this college isn't. Find a better school. Get a better divorce lawyer, one that can see how timid you are and fight for you - get what you deserve. Don't use fucking credit cards. No, seriously. STOP! Trust your gut - if someone is draining you, leave 'em in the dust. You'll take too long, and they'll take some of you with them. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Spend more time in .NET, you'll need it for, like, the rest of your career. Exercise. Like actually do it. Seriously, your metabolism is slowing way down and it's hard to go back after this. Stay in therapy longer. All in all, if nothing changes, you'll end up pretty ok. Andrew: "At 25 I was CEO of Startup Weekend. I’d started it at 22. By then it had exploded to 20 countries. I was living in the most beautiful city (Boulder), I built something that a lot of people loved and I was working 7 days a week on it." Kate: "So you had it all. That was probably confusing at such a young age." Andrew: "Yeah it was weird. I was different than most 25 year olds. I’ve always had more confidence than anyone else I know -- I’m sure helped along by societal biases. My whole life I’ve been the tallest guy in the room and one of the smartest so challenges always seemed like tests. I’ve always just gone after things already knowing I’d have a great chance of figuring it out. I discovered this talent for bringing people together, and I made something huge from it. But I had my social life pinned on that, which was great because it was truly what I loved but not like most of my friends social lives. Most of my college friends all had terrible jobs but seemingly had great social lives. I was just so different and enjoyed that." Kate: "So would you change that? Would you tell yourself not to work less and go party more?" Andrew: "Absolutely not. I’m an introvert. I like being home alone on Friday nights. I can manage a drunken two-step, but dancing at a club? No thanks. That was around the time I was figuring that out." Kate: "So… what is it you wish you had known back then?" Andrew: "I have some thoughts for current 25 year olds --
Bill: I was… Hmm. You know, when you graduate matters. The economy had just crashed when I graduated. There was no work available to anybody at the time. I started working with my brother at a car dealership. And then I just… stayed there. For 5 years.
I got so wrapped up in everything. And I guess because jobs had been so few and far between when I was first looking, I was scared to leave and not find something else. You also have to understand -- back when I graduated, it was much more taboo to try a bunch of different jobs. You were supposed to -- you know-- pick a thing and stick to it and build a life. It was just starting to change at that point but jumping around was still considered taboo. Lila: I would say to just be less serious. Noah: What does that actually mean though? Like, in practicality? Lila: I don't know, I was just so serious back then. Serious about my job, serious about money... I worried about everything. I still drank a lot, more than I do now-- Noah: Well, we still drink a fair amount-- Lila: You know what I mean! I wish I had just taken more time to be a kid-- be a 25 year old kid, whatever that means. What's your answer? Probably nothing, you had a great time as a 25 year old. Noah: Yeah that is a hard question. Because everything I did worked out so well that I wouldn't really change much. (Pause for dishes and thinking) Noah: I would say, one of the best things I did as a 25 year old is have really intense year-long relationships without any thought of marriage. When I was 25 I was really focused on meeting certain milestones by certain ages. I wanted to be in a specific job at 25. I wanted to be in a long term relationship by 28, and married by 30. This type of pressure I was putting on myself made it difficult for me to enjoy the ride, and it was causing me to make decisions based more on meeting a certain milestone by a certain age, then on what was the right choice for me, like being in a relationship with the wrong person because I felt I was at the right age.
When I was 25, I was very fortunate to find myself in an industry I became quite passionate about - helping others find joy in their own career path. I wish someone would have told me that in addition to being financially responsible and working hard to get promoted, be sure and take time for your personal passion projects too.
In my case; keep playing the piano and singing in choir! Learn Spanish! Don't wait to take vacations or take cooking classes! It's better to drink the wine one day early than one day late! Since I was a teenager, I have lived my life with the philosophy of 'I want to look back when I am on my death bed and think that I have lived a full life'. Indeed, I have filled my life with so many things throughout my twenties and I am happy for all of it and proud of a lot of it. Coming to thirty, I am starting to realise that there are so many things you can 'fill' your life with, and yet people who fill their lives can still look back at the emptiness they didn't see.
"You know, it's not about getting it all right. It's about being at peace with what you have.
Kate: "So as I've been traveling I've been asking some of the people I meet this question--" Mark: "Aah, it's time for the infamous big question." Connie: "Oh, this is the girl with the question?" Mark: "Yep. We've been taking about your question." Kate: "Woah, how do you know about my blog?" Mark: "Well you put it on your WarmShowers.org profile. It didn't take any high-tech sluthing. But we have a question about the semantics-- is it what advice you'd give a 25 year old, or what you'd tell your 25 year old self. Those are two different questions." Kate: "I don't know. Either. Both." Mark: "Ok... Honestly I would say that it's the kids like you that worry that I'm not worried about. It's the ones that aren't thinking about this stuff that are worrisome. Does that make sense?" Kate: "... Let me repeat that back to you. So if you are a person who's worried, than you shouldn't be worried?" Mark: "Yeah. How's that for useless, huh? Ok now I'll say something more practical. I would say, take the time to develop rituals in your life." Connie: "You're the one saying this?" Mark: "Yes. Shockingly. For example: When our oldest kid moved out, Connie was worried she'd be lonely and unhappy. So she started this ritual where every third Thursday, she makes a giant pot of soup and invites all our neighbors and friends over to share the soup. It's a low-cost thing. It's low commitment. Our neighbors know they can come late, or not stay very long. And it's great every time." Kate: "So is it about the ritual or is it about the gathering of friends?" Mark: "I'm saying that my advice is to create the ritual. Ok Connie, your turn." Connie: "You know... I'm a graduate school professor. I give a lot of advice to people 21-30. And what I would say is that life is long and awesome and just to enjoy it. There's so much to see and do and learn, just really experience it along the way. When I was 18 I thought, 'Ok this is it, I know who I am and what I want.' And then when I was 22 I thought I knew it all. And then when I was 30 I thought I knew it all, and so on and so on and now I'm over 50 and I've realized I'll probably keep growing and learning for the rest of my life. So that's it, enjoy it, enjoy it." Dave: "25.... Those were my traveling years. India, Nepal, you know. If I could have sat myself down at a table I woulda said: "Listen Mate, what you're looking for isn't out there. You're not going to fill that 'hole in the soul' by seeing the Taj or doing a three day chant at some temple. I know you'll go anyway and I hope you have a damn good time but you're life's still going to be a bloody mess when you get back." Kate: "So what did fix it?" Dave: "Pain. Desperation. Finally using the last ace-card up my sleeve that I throught would fix everything. And then you're just left with pain, which kind of strips away all the things you think you are and leaves you bare-assed as you actually are. So I went to an AA meeting, and found a sense of spirituality." Kate: "I didn't know AA was a spiritual kind of group." Dave: "Well it's not spiritual in the religious sense. It's more like a philosophy. You know the serenity prayer? 'God give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference'. It's about that. I can't control people, places or things. And it drives me mad so I drink. Most alcoholics are like that. Lots of CEO alcoholics. We all want to control the world. But all we can control is our behavior to it. I don't believe in any G.O.D. Except for my group of Grand Old Drunks-- my AA meetings. But I have found that the Serenity prayer and the spirituality that comes with it fills that "hole in the soul" so that alcohol doesn't have to." Misty, Hitched Ride on a grocery run, world traveler, professional photographer, Mammoth Lakes, CA7/15/2015
Misty: "...What is it that you hope to get from people when you ask this question?"
(Pause) Kate: "I'm not sure. I'm secretly a pretty anxious person. I worry a lot that I'm not making the right choices or doing things well enough. I'm hoping for some kind of calming wisdom I guess" Misty: "Honey, you're 25. I have a 25 year old. All of you are worrying the same thing." Kate: "I know. I just thought this might be a good way to work my way through things." Misty: "Well, I teach my kids this 'medicine wheel' for when they're feeling un-right:
Kate: "I suppose." Misty: "Sure you have. You sized me up before you got in my car. You sized up the guy you asked at the gas station as I was pulling over too. I noticed you asked the family man rather than the other guy who was on his own. It's important to pay attention that sense. What are you doing out here anyway?" Kate: "I'm in the middle of moving from Detroit to Denver." Misty: "Detroit? How did that happen?" Kate: "There was this guy. It didn't work out. I think my campground is coming up on the left." Misty: "Seems like you're still sad. I know. But remember, sometimes we aren't sure if we love the person we are with or just love being in love. That's actually how I ended up out west -- followed a boy from New York to Arizona. Didn't work out. But hell, it's a way of getting somewhere. And there will be other loves. And when it's the right love, it'll align with your work, your heart and your mind." Kate: "Thanks. I hope so. Thanks for everything." Misty: "Pay it forward, sweetheart, and remember-- you'll be just fine. Stay on your bike. Stop hitching rides. Follow your heart and use the medicine wheel. Best of luck." "Stop asking so many people for advice. Lots of people have terrible advice. When I was raising my kids, the people with the most rotten children were the ones always telling me how to do it. People say the weirdest things. At the very least, take it all with a grain of salt. All you can do is the best you can, while you can." This about sums it up: http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html
In sum: be humble, appreciate what you have, patience is essential, and know that people's lives on social media do not represent their daily realities-- so don't use them as a comparison for yours. :) Care less about what people think about you and your decisions. Don't base your decisions on what you think others would do. Live your life. Be true to yourself, to what you believe and what you value. Don't compare yourself or your life to others.
If you're going to leave a job, handle it with courtesy and grace - even if you feel you have been mistreated. The professional world is smaller than we may think, and careers are long. You never know when a snub may come back to haunt you.
Beware of people that want to be your best friend right away. They're usually cray-cray.
Like Erika said, don't put so much importance on how much you can do. It doesn't mean anything in the end, when you're exhausted from doing. This generally can't be applied when one is making a career for oneself, I know, but try and not lose sight of what's important: family, friends or chance meaningful encounters with other humans. If you don't want any children, don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. It's none of their business. Figure out who you are before you share your life with someone. Or get close to knowing, anyway. Only buy clothes that will haunt you after you leave the store. And don't follow the trends - when you try something on for the first time, it should make you feel like yourself and then some. Don't put anything off until later - getting together with friends, pursuing new hobbies, etc. Life is short and chances are you'll never get that perfect opportunity again. Look at cute kitten videos at the end of a bad day. Very, very helpful. Don't waste time in jobs that aren't taking you somewhere you want to be. Make intentional career choices and always look ahead to where each position is taking you. The right job can be fun while also allowing you the (financial, time, location) flexibility to also achieve your other aims in life.
Save money. Spend smart. Travel is especially expensive, but a great goal is to explore nearer to where you live. A trip doesn't have to be exotic to be exciting. Get to know wherever you are currently living like you grew up there. Take time to chill out. Mental health is important, and like all other areas of health it doesn't come for free.
Learn to apologize and mean it. If you don’t mean it, figure out why. If it’s a good reason to not mean it, seek outside advice on the topic. Sometimes it’s important to suck it up and apologize even if you don’t mean it, because a main part of any relationship is compromise.
It’s ok to make mistakes. Learn from them, make yourself better, and do not make the same mistakes again. It’s ok to have no idea what is around the bend for you. Life takes many different paths, and changes can come when you are least expecting them. Everything in moderation. Unless you are allergic to it. In the same vein, be willing and open to try most new things at least once before deciding on them. Unless, of course, you are allergic to them. Read Mr. Money Mustache. He will change your outlook on life and help you save your money and make it work for you. Talking about money, pay yourself first. Read MMM, you will find out the how/why. People keep talking about children. I don’t know if I will have them. They are a part of the human experience, yes, but so are many other things. I just wanted to provide another viewpoint and let you know that it is ok to not have them if you do not want. It is also ok to have them. It is even also ok to change your mind throughout life. Unless you have kids and then 10 years later do not decide you want them. You made that commitment, already. Deal with it. Listen to your heart, but temper it with reason and understanding. We are human, and our heart and feelings are a major part of us. I was going to put something on here about marriage/long-term relationships, but Erika has covered it nicely. I do want to add that love alone is never enough to make a relationship or marriage work, and that it takes an open line of communication and trust, too. With that being said, find someone who makes you feel things you have never felt before, and love them wholly and completely. Communicate with them, trust them, love them, and you will overcome anything. Have fun, but plan ahead.
Find someone to love and then love them . We all die, but we don't all really live. Anxiety is between the ears-- move on. Have children, they let you grow as well as be a kid at heart. Plus, its the best feeling ever, being in love but like times 10. Be cool to your body; life is not short, best to have all your parts working when you get down the road. Live for yourself. Its all you have. Then live for others. |
AuthorKate Catlin-- some woman who loves biking, learning, sales and thinking about being a better person. Categories
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