Jean: When I was 25, I was living with a woman who was very religious. I mean VERY religious. Like, every night reading her bible. I didn’t understand. I didn’t see how ‘believing’ made any sense. I remember asking her all these questions – “Why do you do this? How can you believe these things?”
We later broke up, and then I had another difficult relationship that also ended up in a break up. At that point I was living alone in an apartment in Montreal, while things weren’t going well with my PhD either. This was a period of my life when I felt lost, isolated, heartbroken, and in a state of desperation and anger. I couldn’t understand why everything was going so wrong. That’s when I started to ask, you know, the big questions about the meaning of life, and trying to find a solution.
We later broke up, and then I had another difficult relationship that also ended up in a break up. At that point I was living alone in an apartment in Montreal, while things weren’t going well with my PhD either. This was a period of my life when I felt lost, isolated, heartbroken, and in a state of desperation and anger. I couldn’t understand why everything was going so wrong. That’s when I started to ask, you know, the big questions about the meaning of life, and trying to find a solution.
Kate: Is that when you started going to church?
Jean: No. I had been raised Christian, but I never really felt like I had a relationship with God before. I started reading the bible. I wanted to see what this book said directly. And there were passages that spoke to me -- Beautiful passages about emptiness and seeking and God’s love filling one’s heart. I felt like – like, God was speaking to me through these passages. Here are some of the words from Jesus that touched me deeply:
Jean: No. I had been raised Christian, but I never really felt like I had a relationship with God before. I started reading the bible. I wanted to see what this book said directly. And there were passages that spoke to me -- Beautiful passages about emptiness and seeking and God’s love filling one’s heart. I felt like – like, God was speaking to me through these passages. Here are some of the words from Jesus that touched me deeply:
“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)
"I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty” (John 6:35)
“Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” (John 7:38)"
I could fill my heart with so many things but they were never enough. But with God, it was more than enough. It’s this incredible feeling that I never knew was possible, like a fire that burns into my heart. I’d never felt that way before. It’s overwhelming. The fact that I was experiencing this fire sensation also seemed to confirm with what the Bible said about God’s own nature:
“For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, …” (Deuteronomy 4:24)
If I could go back to 25 years old, I would go back and tell myself to just trust in God and seek after Him before anything else. Instead of running everywhere and to every person to find help, run to God first, because he’s the only one who can heal the broken hearts:
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
After all the struggles I’ve been through I realize how much God has comforted me, supported me and healed me each and every time, he truly is the best friend I have. These big life decisions, he will help you with them. I think if I hadn’t discovered that I would have been crushed by the darker moments.
I know you’re thinking, “ah this is just a religious people thing-- ”
Kate: No, I try not to think that way. I don’t doubt the existence of some higher power. I’m just not sure any one religion understands what that higher power is.
Jean: Kate, I don’t understand it all either. There’s no way I could understand. God is God, I’m just a man.
Kate: I think it’s interesting too that you’re the 3rd person who has spoken about seeking to fill an emptiness in response to this question (see one and two). This seems to be a common theme.
Jean: Yeah. Like what I wrote on your Facebook wall once when you posed the question of whether love was enough to make a relationship work.
I know you’re thinking, “ah this is just a religious people thing-- ”
Kate: No, I try not to think that way. I don’t doubt the existence of some higher power. I’m just not sure any one religion understands what that higher power is.
Jean: Kate, I don’t understand it all either. There’s no way I could understand. God is God, I’m just a man.
Kate: I think it’s interesting too that you’re the 3rd person who has spoken about seeking to fill an emptiness in response to this question (see one and two). This seems to be a common theme.
Jean: Yeah. Like what I wrote on your Facebook wall once when you posed the question of whether love was enough to make a relationship work.
What I meant by that is that no human being has the capacity to meet the needs of one’s heart, only God’s love is deep enough and powerful enough to be able to meet those needs. With God, my heart was so full of love that I could give it freely to everyone else. The love I was receiving from Him was filling my spirit until my vessel overflowed with joy, peace, and love. And out of that overflow I was able to love other people without any expectation of the love they would give me in return; for the first time I could love someone without any strings being attached to that person. There’s nothing else like that feeling.